This coming Thursday, may 1, 2008, is the 57^th Annual National Day of Prayer. To celebrate, my family is going to go without TV for the day. It is important to me that my sons learn to understand the commitment their father and I have to Christ. So instead of watching TV, we plan to pray and study the Bible together.

My oldest son is 7. He asked Jesus to live in his heart a little over 2 years ago. He often talks about wanting to be a missionary and likes to tell people wherever we go that Jesus loves them. Yet I was recently sad to learn that, though he knows Bible stories, my son does not know many scriptures. By the time I was his age, I could quote verses like Genesis 1:1, John 3:16, and Romans 3:23. I was not a whole lot older than Dru when I learned the 100^th Psalm. My son doesn’t know any of those. We read Bible stories together and we pray as a family. We just don’t study memory verses the way I remember doing when I was a kid. My excuse for that is that the children’s church program we have at our church does not focus on those verses. The focus is on living as Christ did rather than memorizing scripture. I am not saying that is a bad thing. If my children are not learning the Bible the way I want them to, the bad thing is that I am not making the effort that I need to make with them.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
Psalm 62:5

 My husband is clueless.

I love him with all my heart, and I thank God daily (well, most days, anyhow!) for bringing us together.  But there are times when he is just clueless and borders on, well, stupidity.  Especially when it comes to me.

This has not been a good month.  For most of the past two weeks, I’ve felt that monster of depression creeping up again.  I’ve been more tired than normal.  I’ve been lazy and unmotivated.  Not that I have nothing to do.  I have a LOT to do, I just don’t see why I should do it.  I’ve been cranky, which is probably a huge understatement.

All of these things are signs we have seen in the past when a depression episode is coming up.  My husband noticed the crankiness.  How could he not when often in the past couple of weeks I have nearly taken a bite out of him just for asking, “What’s for dinner?”  But that was all he saw.  When I told him last night that I have been feeling down and worthless, the look on his face told me this was all news to him.

That did not help me to feel any better.  It was like we live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, share the same meals, but nothing more.  Like my own husband doesn’t notice me at all.  Not exactly a depression buster.

My Bible study has fallen away since the depression started to take root.  I just don’t FEEL like reading my Bible lately.  This morning, though, I just felt that I NEEDED to do it.  The study I’ve been doing is Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Wife.  In the prayer and study guide for it, one of the passages suggested to read was Psalm 62:5.  The question that went along with it was, “Are there any expectations you have of your husband that he is not living up to?” (The Power of  A Praying Wife Study Guide, page 18).  Yes, I guess there are expectations.  I expect John to at least notice that something is going wrong with me.  And in some ways, I suppose that I expect he will somehow make the problems better.

“Find rest, O my soul, in GOD alone.”  Not in my husband, in my GOD.  He alone can comfort my hurting spirit right now.  Sure, John can help to ease some of my burdens by helping more with the children and not expecting perfection out of me.  Yet even if he does these things, without leaning fully on God, nothing inside of me is going to change.  I can’t expect John to ease every hurt that comes my way.  But I can expect that of God. 

That is what God wants to do for me.  He doesn’t want me to feel so down on myself.  After all, He created me with his own hands.  He loves me now, He loved me before I knew Him, He loved me 2000 years ago when He allowed His son to die in my place.  He wants me to take my pain and hurt to Him, lay them at His feet, and fully receive His peace and comfort.

Hmmm….  Maybe it is not my husband who has been the clueless one.

He answered, “How can I understand unless someone explains it to me?”
Acts 8:31, New Century Version

Have you ever wanted to try something new?  A few years ago, I decided that I was going to learn how to crochet.  My husband and I were expecting our second child, and I was determined that I would make a blanket for this baby.  I’d watched my mother crochet blankets and scarves for years.  Surely I could figure out how to do this without much of a problem.

Rather than going to Mom for help, I decided to teach myself.  I didn’t want to spend the money on a book, so I looked for an internet site that could teach me.  While I could easily read the words off the screen, comprehending their meaning was a completely different matter.  Nothing I saw there made sense.

The same is true of new Christians.  In their eagerness to learn all they can about God’s love, they begin to read His word.  Many times, they stop reading in frustration.  They can read the words, but can’t make sense of them.  They need the help of other Christians to understand just what it is that God expects of them, and what He wants to do for them.  They need more than just the church.  They need the support of Christian friends.

Is there someone you can reach out to today? 

My biggest problem with being a Christian is THE GREAT COMMISSION.

I read and reread the words typed in a friend’s blog, my confusion growing each time.  My first thought was to write to this friend, demanding an answer to one question: “How can you claim to be a Christian and deny the Great Commission?”  I didn’t, though.  I am still confused about what she meant, but I knew that there would be no point in confronting her in an argumentative way.  Instead, I decided to look for myself just what “The Great Commission” means.

The Great Commission is mentioned a few times in the Bible.  Matthew 28:18-20 reads, “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  In Mark 16:15, Jesus says, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.”

What I get from this, and please remember this is just one woman’s opinion, is that our job as Christians is not to be “Bible thumpers”, smacking everyone we meet over the head with the Gospel, forcing them to accept Christ or else.  Jesus is the one who has been given authority in heaven and on earth.  He is the one who will persuade others to make a commitment to Him.  Our job is to go out and share the Gospel message with everyone we meet.

The best tool we have for teaching others is by the example we show.  We don’t have to open our mouths to preach to someone.  Our actions will show where our hearts are and what our beliefs are.

At all times, though, we should be prepared to speak.  Our coworkers are bound to notice when we refuse to participate in office gossip or use foul language.  They will see when we refuse to laugh at an off-color joke or complain about pay or perks that others get.  Chances are, at least one person is going to ask why we set ourselves apart like that.  When that happens, we have to have the words to use to express out Christian beliefs and values.  We don’t have to be obnoxious and “gung-ho” about it.  We just have to be willing and able to answer any questions that are presented to us.  The one asking the question has the choice to believe in Christ or not.  It is not our job to force that belief on them.  Live your beliefs, share them verbally when necessary, and let Christ move in the hearts of those around you.

To me, that is what the Great Commission is.  It is not about forcing my beliefs on others.  It is about showering those I meet—regardless of their religion—with God’s love.

It is nothing to be ashamed of.  It should be a natural part of our lives, and not in any way problematic.

There are so many good, powerful verses in the Bible that it is hard to choose just one favorite.  In fact, I do not have just one favorite.  I have at least two.  One is in the New Testament and the other is a passage in the New Testament.

My favorite verse in the New Testament is found in John 11:35.  “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible, but that is not why I like it so much.  To me, this verse more than any other shows the human side of Christ.  Lazarus, one of His closest friends, had died.  Jesus knew that His friend wasn’t gone forever.  He already knew that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead.  Still, when He reached the place where Lazarus was buried, Jesus wept.  We don’t really know why He cried.  It seems sort of odd, considering the miracle He knew was about to take place.  Maybe He was crying over the lack of faith those around Him had. I think His tears were a human reaction to the sadness around Him.  Mary and Martha were friends of Jesus.  He loved them, and seeing them hurt made Him hurt, too.  He was, after all, human.

It is harder to pinpoint just one favorite verse in the Old Testament.  I do have a favorite passage, Joshua 1:8-9.  The NIV reads, “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” I really like the entire story of Joshua.  He was one of the very few Israelites who kept his faith in God through everything that came his way.  To Joshua, it didn’t matter how big or scary the people in the Promised Land looked.  He knew that they were no match for the size, strength and power of God.  His faith in God was rewarded when Joshua led his people into the Promised Land.Not that his faith was never again tested.  Just look at what happened at Jericho.  If that isn’t a test of faith, I don’t know what is!  I know what my reaction to God’s command would have been.  “Hang on, God.  You want me to walk around this city, and then shout at the right time, and the walls will fall?  Haven’t I already been walking enough?  And yelling at my kids doesn’t get them to do what I want.  How is yelling at this wall going to make it fall?  No, God.  I really think we need to move on to Plan B here.”But Joshua didn’t do that.  He knew that God would be with him and that anything God said would happen was going to happen.  I think a lot of his faith had to do with the way he meditated on the word of the Lord “day and night”, as God commanded him. 

Joshua’s faith allowed tall, thick walls to fall.  Makes me wonder what will happen in my life when I let my faith take over.

                The on goal that I set for myself this year that I am actually staying on schedule with is the goal to spend time each morning in prayer and Bible reading.  I’ve been using The One Year Bible to do this.  I really like the way it is laid out, with a little of the Old Testament, a little of the New Testament, and some Psalms and Proverbs each day.  That makes it easier than just trying to read straight through, from Genesis to Revelation.

                Only I have run into a problem.  I am finding it extremely difficult to read through Leviticus.  This books seems to be a lot of rules, regulations, and rituals for the Isrealites to follow in order to “be clean” and to make atonement for their sin.  I keep asking myself, “Is this really necessary now?”  Jesus came to Earth as the Ultimate Sacrifice.  He made the atonement for my sin.  I don’t need to go to a priest with a young sheep or goat to be slaughtered on my behalf.  I need only go to the Lamb to ask forgiveness.

                This book is giving me so much trouble that I have come close to giving up my goal.  Instead, I have been skimming Leviticus and fully reading the passages in Mark, Psalms, and Proverbs.  I figure it is better to read through part of the daily readings than to totally give up everything.

                This morning, I read this in the seventh chapter of Mark: “Thus He was making and declaring all foods [ceremonially] clean [that is, abolishing the ceremonial distinctions of the Levitcal Law]” (second half of verse 19, Amplified version).  That raises the question in my mind, Why did God want this part of the Old Testament in the Bible?  I guess I can see why it was necessary for the Isrealites to have these rules.  Before Jesus, it was the only way to atone for the wrongs they had done.  But if Jesus “abolished the ceremonial distinctions of the Levitical Law”, why is that law still a part of the Bible today?

                Maybe it is to help show us today just how “easy” we have it.  Before Christ, it was difficult to come near God.  And it seems that nothing could be done in private.  If a person did wrong, to be forgiven he had to take a lamb or goat to the priest as a sacrifice.  I imagine that he would also have to confess to the priest what he had done (hence the reason for confession in the Catholic church, maybe?), and risk that his wrongdoing would become known to all around him.

                Today, the choice is ours.  We can go directly to Christ for forgiveness, confessing to Him what we have done wrong.  If we need additional help in overcoming that wrong doing, we can go to a church leader or a counselor or a trusted Christian friend to help us through it.  But if we don’t want others to know just what we are struggling with, we can just leave it at the Cross.

                OK, so maybe having Leviticus in the Bible does make sense.  It is still not an easy thing to read through!

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.  Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him, and he will help you.  He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.  Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.  Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.Psalm 37:4-7

This passage has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.  I had an internet buddy who lived by this.  She was confident she would get anything she wanted, because “Psalms says so”.  I told her that didn’t make much sense to me.  There are a lot of things that I want that God has not given me.  Her response to that?  “If you are following the Lord as He wants you to, He will only give you the desire for the things that He wants you to have.”

There is a difference to something I want and my “heart’s desires”.  I want enough money to not have to worry about my bills.  My heart’s desire is to have shelter and food for my children.  No matter how many things are hard to pay in a month, the shelter and food are always provided.

Knowing that difference is all that is needed to understand this particular Psalm.  I think the real secret to this passage is to look at the WHOLE thing and not just the first verse.  Notice what we are commanded to do here—“Delight in the Lord”, “Commit everything” to Him, “Trust Him”, “Be still”.  In order to receive God’s blessings, we need to follow His directions.I think the most important direction here is in the last verse.  “Wait patiently for Him to act.”  God knows what you need and what you desire.  He also knows the best time for you to receive the desires of your heart.  Receiving them in His time is always much more rewarding than getting things when WE want them!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18, NIV

    Today is the anniversary of the hardest day of my life. Three years ago, I woke from a very restless sleep with the knowledge that my third pregnancy was over. I was still in pain from the ceaseless cramping. The words of the ER doctor resounded endlessly in my head: “You are having a miscarriage.”

A good friend was here, in the very room where I am typing this now. She and her husband had no children, and if anyone was more excited about the coming baby than I was, it was Autumn. When I saw her, she was smiling. Before she could say anything, I raised my hand and choked out, “I lost the baby last night.” She gasped and we sort of collapsed into each other.

To say that my heart was broken is an understatement. “Crushed in spirit” pretty much covers it. I was devastated. I didn’t want comfort or prayers or to hear about God at all. All I wanted was my baby back.

Each year, that crushing pain comes back. Oh, it’s not as strong or overwhelming as it was that first day, but it is there. This year, it’s different than ever before. I have a nine month old son, a boy I most likely would not have had that baby been born three years ago. Still, I can’t help missing my little one. When I look at my niece, who was born 13 days after that baby was due, I sometimes wonder what my child would have looked like.

During my devotions this morning, I read from Psalm chapter 34. The 18^th verse made me smile. Three years ago, even though I didn’t feel Him or even look for Him, the Lord was close beside me. He knew my pain. After all, God watched His only Son die in my place. He knew the sadness and agony that I felt firsthand, and He was there to comfort me.

And He still is. Even now, I can feel His strong arms wrapping around me, telling me that it is OK to cry, and I will see my Little One someday.

Do you remember a few years ago, when Tom Cruise was on the Today Show?  He was sharing his scientology beliefs and very unashamed of it.  Christians need to be more like Tom Cruise!  LOL I have looked into the scientology stuff (spurred on by a John Travolta comment about how you can’t be against something you know nothing about) and I think that some of those beliefs are odd.  But it is what Tom believes, and he is not ashamed to let others know about it.  He doesn’t care if he looks like a fool, jumping on couches, embarrassing morning news show hosts, or insulting other celebrities.  He makes no apologies for his beliefs.  I may not agree with him, but I have to say I admire that. 

How different would this world be if Christians acted more like that?  Pray in public, say Merry CHRISTMAS, SHOW YOUR FAITH!!!!!!!!!  I don’t mean that each of us needs to be a preacher, or that we should put ourselves intentionally into a position where we could cause offense.  But if our neighbors are offended by our Christianity–so what???  DO NOT apologize for it!  Don’t hide it!!! 

Believe me, I am talking to myself as much as anyone else.  My fear of what others would think kept me from following God’s call on my life for years.  NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It is time to stop hiding, to stop being afraid of the world and PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

If that means jumping on a few live TV sofas, let’s do it!!!!!!!!!!